Thinking

I had a lot of thinking to get done today. I'm coming out of it no further ahead then I started.

I woke up alone today, even though my boyfriend had told me he would wake me up with him. I didn't make it to the tech office, so I haven't gotten the tools I needed to work on a personal project. Oddly enough, a project I wanted to undertake to make something beautiful for him.

I woke up alone today, and I couldn't find my glasses when I did. My eyesight is so bad that I spent a good half hour crawling around on my hands and knees before I finally broke and called my boyfriend. He knew exactly where I'd left them, as well as the location of the metropass I couldn't find. Needless to say, I feel stupid.

I woke up alone today, and felt like my world was falling apart. My boyfriend and I had a fight last night, and he was angry, or indifferent, enough to break his own rule about always giving a kiss goodbye. I can't help but think that he simply didn't care. My cell phone isn't ringing at all, while normally he texts me constantly during his shifts.

It's a day to sit and reflect. Study, learn, and apply. I learned how to make mayonnaise today, although I'm not sure how I'll be able to go through a cup of it in a week. I pondered finding a local egg farmer, and getting some of those beautiful eggs I remember buying up in mennonite country. I thought about my meat selections, and how hard it was to find locally raised meat. I dreamed about deviled eggs.

In the end.. Nothing has changed. I have my glasses, but I'm still in trouble with my boyfriend. I learned that making mayo would be relatively easy for me, and would save me some money, but I haven't made any. I'm making said mayo out of non-local eggs. I'm still meat starved.

And now I'm heading to work, a bit early because I don't want him to come home and have everything be so quiet and awkward. At least at work I can put on a fake smile and feel like it's worth it.